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Joke of the Day

"[awesome life of caterpillar] 1) all I do is eat, awesome 2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome 3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME"

"I take issue with people stealing magazines."

"I named my hard drive That Thang, so once a month my computer asks me if I want to Back That Thang Up."

"I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles."

"Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him is he still wrong?"

"Why do mules not work as hard as horses? Because they're half-assed!"

"Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose."

"What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican? Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal."

"Environmentally speaking you really should reuse plastic bag's To suffocate your children"

"Dark humor is a bit like food. Not everyone gets it."