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Joke of the Day

"the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a ""Bazinga"" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree"

"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell ( probably a repost, I laughed tho)"

"When I ask people who they think my son looks like... ...They tell me he looks like his real father."

"I cut so much rug... ...that I had to open a PLPD policy on my feet."

"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."

"How do you give an ice cube an identity crisis? Drop it like its hot."

"I haven't showered since last year. It's still 2014, right?"

"Movie idea: Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth are called on by the US government to take their shirts off and punch people who read books."

"Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed. Nearly everything that company does is selfish."

"[first day as a coroner] me: he died at 11:42AM detective: are you positive me: it's hard with all this death but i'm hanging in there"