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Joke of the Day

"""yes I'm very good in bed"" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* ""Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"""

"Wife and I taking a shower Wife: I want you to do bad things to me. Me: <pours shampoo in her eyes>"

"If you like Christmas so much why don't you merry it?"

"Why can't an Italian snake talk? Because it doesn't have any hands."

"If you watch the movie Twister backwards it's the story of friendly tornados saving lives, rebuilding destroyed towns and playing with cows."

"A friend of mine told me he gets terrible stage fright... ...I thought he was taking the piss but he really wasn't."

"""Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN'T eat chocolate. It'll kill them."" - God inventing dogs."

"What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin? Jello-us"

"A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder."

"Describe Windows 10 with two words. Vista 2.0"