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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an emotionally unstable animal who lives in alaska and vacations in antarctica? A BIPOLAR BEAR"

"He's very handsome, by which I mean he has some hands. The normal amount of hands. I'm not great at describing people with words."

"A robber broke into my house last night looking for money... So I woke up and started searching with him."

"Difference between inlaw and vultures What is the difference between in-law and vultures? - Vultures attack first, when you are dead. edit: In-law mean's ''Girlfriend/boyfriend's mother''"

"Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together."

"I feel bad every time I lie to Waze and say I'm the passenger when I'm really driving."

"Did you know you can see through Caitlyn Jenner? She is trans-parent."

"Have you guys heard the one about the sidewalk? Its all over town!"

"They should have never given you girls fake eyelashes. This chick just blinked and it sounded like a flock of pigeons took off."

"Lesbians should not be allowed to buy dildos, they made their choice!!"