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Joke of the Day

"I'm trying to do unto others as I would have done to me, but they're all ""stop thrusting at me, this is a church service; please sit down"""

"I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on my back hair, now I can't sleep."

"My girlfriend wants to replace the beige outlets in my house with white ones. And then she gets mad when I tell her to stop promoting white power."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners--"" Lou Bega: ""Way ahead of you."""

"People claim they're into recycling, but just watch their faces when you rinse out a condom."

"Why did the medium cross the road? To get to the other side."

"I'd do anything to never be hungover again Except stop drinking"

"How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very Satisfying"

"It must be Monday somewhere."

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me... ...to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."