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Joke of the Day

"How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very Satisfying"

"Every morning when my alarm goes off I think ""This is the worst thing that has EVER happened."""

"""Why'd the chicken cross the road?"" ""Why Daddy?"" ""To get to the other side!"" ""Did it look both ways?"" ""It was a...yes. Yes it did."""

"What is the easiest way to weigh your head? Ask assistance from ISIS."

"So, I saw Simba walking today.. and he was walking too slow. So I told him ""C'mon! Mufasa""! Edited for a bit more for clarity.."

"I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight. She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes."

"Barber: Your hair is getting grey Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up will you?"

"All my life I've refused to wear perfume. But then an aggressive perfume-salesperson knocked some scents into me."

"Why do Catholics drink? ...because they're filled with the Holy Spirit"

"The tree and the wind. What does a tree say after it gets knocked over by the wind? I went out on a limb."