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Joke of the Day

"Me: I want cozy pajama pants for Christmas. Him: I was gonna get lingerie. Me: Trust me. VS won't have your size. Him: Me: *jazz hands*"

"Whats E.T short for? Because he's got little legs."

"This termite walks into a bar... And says ""Where's the bar tender?"

"What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear"

"Just robbed a bakery I kneaded the dough."

"I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something."

"Spilled my bottle of sleeping pills, and now they're wide awake."

"It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it."

"What do you call Al-Qaeda's April Fools prank? A jihahahad!"

"Just managed to download the 'Titanic' soundtrack to my phone, even though some said it was unsyncable."