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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Al-Qaeda's April Fools prank? A jihahahad!"

"In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car."

"I tried smoking hash the other day... But I couldn't get to corned-beef lit."

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"Every chick magazine ever: You're beautiful and are perfect just the way you are! How to loose ten pounds in ten days you fat, ugly cow."

"What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver."

"I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure."

"WIFE: how old is your daughter? WIFE'S FRIEND: she's eight going on nine. ME: *whispering* That's how numbers work"

"A cat walked in to a cobblers.. ..SHOE!"

"Love is that feeling you get when you meet that special someone who hates all of your friends."