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Joke of the Day

"doctor looking at his iPad: oh no, this isn't good ... Me: give it to me straight doc what is it doctor: well, I forgot my wifi password"

"What do elephants use for tampons? Sheep"

"I think parents are incredibly selfish and rude for having additional children without first consulting their existing child. "

"Pansexuals are like teenagers They eat whatever is in front of them"

"A Santa joke. So what does a pimp and Santa have in common? They both go Ho Ho Ho I'll see myself [out] (http://i.imgur.com/9gdyd.gif)"

"*firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually"

"We're an eclectic bunch here, but we all have one thing in common: We've sacrificed the chance to run for public office with these tweets."

"What's with girls having weird names nowadays? I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like ""I'm Fifteen"" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel."

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"My wife doesn't appreciate that I love her mother in law more than I love mine."