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Joke of the Day

"Last time I wore my celery costume out in public I was arrested for stalking."

"Why couldn't the bike stand by itself? because it was two tired"

"I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you."

"Bill Cosby was puddin' his pop where it didn't belong."

"What do black people and bikes have in common? They stop working when you take the chains off"

"I got aids in prison.. Hearing aids. I should've used them though, I might've been able to hear the guy that snuck up on me in the shower and gave me HIV."

"I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are."

"What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford? I did not have textual relations with that woman."

"""Errors in pronunciation eventually become part of the language if used widely enough over a long period of time"" linguists, supposably"

"OVERHEARD - Woman 1: ""We went downtown to visit 9/11..."" Woman 2: ""You mean the World Trade Center?"" Woman 1: ""No that's not there anymore."""