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Joke of the Day

"OVERHEARD - Woman 1: ""We went downtown to visit 9/11..."" Woman 2: ""You mean the World Trade Center?"" Woman 1: ""No that's not there anymore."""

"When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions."

"I bet the Presidential Seal gets to eat all the fish he wants."

"I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible. I didn't know how to react."

"A police officer found two kids walking the streets. One had a battery and the other had a firecracker. He charged one and let the other one off"

"I'm 23 years old Truly in my prime"

"I just flew in from Phoenix... Boy are my arms tired No seriously, I was jacking off the entire plane ride home"

"Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!"

"Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album? People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps"

"Cashier: what's with all the pineapple juice? Me: *winks* -Spends the night making delicious umbrella drinks with my cat."