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Joke of the Day

"As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives And that fucker looked depressed."

"Where does a prostitute go to rat out her pimp? To a hoe-tell."

"Saying ""to each his own"" is the best way to tell someone you respect their right to have an extremely stupid opinion."

"Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not."

"I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping."

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together..... I shit you knot."""

"Oh you're upset about a thing? Allow me to remind you that there are other, more upsetting things. Somehow I think this should help you"

"Why was skrillex banned from the music shop? for dropping the bass too much"

"Q: how can you tell it is almost St. Patrick's day? A: Everyone is taking out their Paddy-o furniture."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's **not** funny!"