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Joke of the Day

"[Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science."

"They canceled school and reminded everyone to ""Prepare for a blackout"" I've got 2 bottles of Vodka and percocet Blackout is *so happening*"

"So, I told a girl ""send boobs""... ...and she sent me a topless of her, 8 years old, at a beach. Girls are really losing it, man. Year-old picture?!"

"How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener.."

"Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up."

"America thought about using fat as a currency... ...but there was too much inflation."

"Q. What has one horn and gives milk? A A milk truck."

"Last weekend my dad caught me smoking a cigarette and for punishment made me smoke until I puked. This weekend I made sure he caught me in bed with my girlfriend."

"If you're ever cold, stand in a corner. It's always ninety degrees"

"Sometimes i flirt and i feel really akward. Idk if the people around me are gonna hate more for it. I have this rly weird feeling in my stomach and sometimes idk why. Oh wait not flirt. I ment fart"