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Joke of the Day

"Some women are born to make history.... I prefer the ones who get deleted from mine."

"As I pulled back the ring-pull on my 5th can of beer, I heard ""Hello."" I thought to myself, ""It must be the drink talking."""

"Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is."

"Paleontologists have just discovered a new species of dinosaur that was predominately lesbian... They're calling it the Lickalotopuss."

"Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall."

"Why did the orgy fail? No one came."

"Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map."

"Why Does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? For drizzle, my nizzle. :D"

"I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility."

"The Story of Volcanos God: Ok, how about a mountain.. Angel: We got mountains. God: Lemme finish. That shits fire. Angel: Metal. *fist bump*"