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Joke of the Day

"What's the three toughest years of a bass player? Second grade."

"It could be the Vodka talking but I used to be a potato."

"Pancake day has really crepe'd up on me this year."

"Why should everyone vote for Hillary Clinton? Because Bill said she doesn't suck"

"TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking ""Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"" I replied ""No, only guns."""

"My father's sister is obsessed with killing germs, we call her Auntie Bacterial."

"Ultimately, even the mighty invincible Achilles was killed with a bowshot to his foot. Time wounds all heels"

"I saw a guy with a belt made out of wrist watches. Thought it was a pretty cool waist of time."

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."

"I'm going to get a job at a liquor store just so I can card people & see who's lying about how much they weigh on their ID."