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Joke of the Day
"A man sat on a baguette pointy end up. He claimed it was ""a pain in the ass""."
Next Joke
"Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win."
"Have you tried just Photoshopping her into your life?"
"We were making out on the couch and She's like ""Let's take this upstairs"" I'm like ""Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"""
"My favorite new song is either that one from the Samsung commercial, or the one from the Budweiser commercial."
"I'm thinking of becoming a yoga instructor... but I know know how I'm going to support myself."
"""My phone's about to die."" -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ...."
"Just tore seven ligaments trying to avoid being handed the phone by my wife."
"I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in."
"What do you call a pirate with polio? FD Arghhhh."