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Joke of the Day

"I heard they're selling heart-burns that only take two minutes to cook now! I think they were called, Hot-pockets?"

"[finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?"

"Now that it's all blown over, those Alton Towers victims should look on the bright side. Free parking."

"I heard a great Ray Rice joke... but I can't remember the punchline."

"Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine? It's called Trycoxagin."

"What do you call Batman skipping out on church? Christian Bail"

"I enjoy reenacting the Crucifixion during sex. People call me sacrilegious. I tell them I'm only religious in the sack."

"My New Year's resolution is to stop telling Dad jokes, shouldn't be that hard, I never joke about my father."

"homework? decent grades? the bible said adam and eve not adam and achieve"

"Me: I don't scare easily. Pregnant wife: All four of our daughters will be teenagers at the same time. Me: *never stops screaming*"