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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Muslim cross the road? I said to my self as I floored the accelerator. Although I guess he did get to the other side."

"Why did moses break his glasses in half? He wanted to part his sees."

"How do mussels reproduce? They shuck eachother."

"It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes."

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"Why did the cat cross the road? Because curiousity was on the other side"

"My mum needs to stop using all the blenders for stew.. It's pissing me off having spicy Oreo milkshake"

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"Why was the ground all white after Custer's last stand? Because the indians kept coming and coming..."

"What does the word 'gay' mean? asked a son to his father. ""It means 'happy,'"" replied the father. ""Oh,"" contested the son, ""so are you gay, then?"" ""No, son, I have a wife."""