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Joke of the Day

"Is this the Alcoholics helpline? Operator: ""Yes."" Caller: ""Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"""

"Where do really smart birds roost? In a dictonaerie."

"My grandfather always said, ""Be envied, not envious."" I wish I'd thought of that quote."

"The first woman on the moon. ""Houston we have a problem."" What? ""nevermind"" What's the problem?? ""nothing"" Please tell us!? ""You know what the problem is."""

"Rick Astley will let you borrow all the movies in his Pixar collection except one, He is never gonna give you Up."

"Floyd Mayweather is unbeaten Can't say the same about the women in his life"

"How are burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend related? All come from not pulling out on time."

"How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer."

"How do you quiet a gay baby? Stick a pacifier up its ass"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Rustle."