16355

Joke of the Day

"Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?"

"Where is everybody? Everybody? I don't know. All over the planet I guess."

"Stuffs more popcorn in my face* Why don't bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?"

"So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper"

"""I can't wait to see what my Happy Meal prize is! Wait...what the -"" [U2 is playing a free concert in the box]"

"What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine? Do we have any papal towels?"

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place."

"Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital? He was a""salted"""

"How did the blind man know Santa was in his house? He felt his presents."