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Joke of the Day

"As a kid on summer nights I'd capture fireflies in a jar then show them to my father and say ""please buy me a sega this does nothing for me"""

"Excuse me Ladies, but my eyes are up here."

"[red carpet] ""So Ryan, who are u with tonight?"" Ryan Gosling [proudly] ""My parents"" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]"

"The Pope walks into a Mosque. The imam says ""Why the wrong faith?"""

"I wonder if Asian people put smileys like this )"

"Note to self: Remove dog before stabbing box to make air-holes."

"How do you eat a computer? byte by byte."

"What did the little boy with no hands get for Christmas? Cancer."

"[commercial for soup] NARRATOR: ever wanna drink a sandwich?"

"I once swore in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels."