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Joke of the Day

"My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained."

"What should you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."

"Watching the olympic 100m is like witnessing a crime You hear a gunshot and a second after you see 8 black guys running away."

"When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born."

"What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang up the picture."

"What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light? Ultraviolent"

"To err is human, to eh is Canadian."

"How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach? Well..it's not hard"

"Sure, I have gluten free Halloween candy for your kid. *Reaches in pocket & pulls out middle finger* Get off my lawn before I call the cops"

"My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die. I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative."