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Joke of the Day

"A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck between his legs. Bartender: What's with the steering wheel? Pirate: Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

"{At funeral} *holding widows hand* I'm sorry for your loss. He had so much updog ""What's updog?"" *pats her hand* Not much what's up with you"

"Almost arrived at work when my kid asked ""Where're we going?"" Who the hell did I just drop off at school?!"

"What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Wet noses"

"I would tell you all a chemistry joke But it probably wouldn't get a reaction"

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to start the journey from I Can't Breathe Without You to I'll Choke You Out In Public."

"This girl I like said she didn't like bondage..... ....Me either, but you're the one who said No."

"Romney: ""I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."""

"I don't like vacuums. They suck."

"This morning I... changed a lightbulb, then I walked across the street so I could walk into a bar, and then is suddenly realized: my life is a joke."