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Joke of the Day

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."

"What is the only thing that will be ""Feeling the Bern""? Working people's wallets."

"I tried inventing a belt with a clock on it... It was a waist of time"

"I saw a black man carrying a T.V. today I though that it looked like mine, but when I got home he was still shining my shoes"

"Did you hear about the Muslim Party? It was a blast"

"I like my women like my coffee, hot, black, and bitter."

"CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is"

"Cow joke. Maybe sex for a cow aint great since the bull dick is jerky."

"""I work with computers."" ""Do you know a lot about computers?"" ""I know they're heavy."" (forgot the comics name, he was on Jay Leno long ago)"