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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!"

"Congratulations to the new Miss America! Now please answer your phone, I need tech support."

"How do you kill a German? Put them in front of a red light in the middle of the desert."

"A Clown held the door open for me today It was a nice jester"

"Shouting ""put your hands in the air like you just don't care!"" is a fun way to bring a party atmosphere to a bank robbery."

"I used to think an ocean of soda existed. Turns out it was just Fanta sea."

"""Wow, I haven't showered since last year!"" ""Haha good one, but it's not the new year yet"" ""I know..."""

"Why do they call it ""Jew-ish""? Are they not Jew enough?"

"I've consumed three coffees plus two energy drinks with black carrot and what I'm trying to say is there won't be commas in my tweets today."

"How do you know your house had chicken pox? It has shingles."