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Joke of the Day

"[On phone] ""Did u see the weather forecast?"" ""No. I refuse to be sucked in by Big Weather."" ""Where are you? Its so noisy."" ""IN A TORNADO."""

"A lion would never (Old joke) A Lion would never cheat on its wife but a Tiger wood."

"What's Hillary Clinton's key to success? The Delete Key"

"""I wanna fu*k you so bad right now."" ""WHAT!?"" ""Damn autocorrect, I meant ""hey"""

"Therapist: so your parents also suffered from depression? Me: no they both liked it"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? None."

"People who brag about drinking black coffee?? Ok enjoy your hot bean water, I'm using creamer because I love myself"

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"Did you know that timing is the secret to great comedy? Like a head phone jack is the secret to a great phone."

"Where do facts come from? The factory."