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Joke of the Day

"The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible."

"I went for a swim with my daughter... I felt a warm pocket of water in the waves and yelled at her ""Did you just pee in the ocean!?"". ""No"" she said ""the seaweed"" True story."

"I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me."

"What's the difference between Shea Stadium and Sloan-Kettering? At Sloan-Kettering the Mets always win."

"I met an elderly at the park and asked him what was going on? He smiled and told me ""I have Parkinson"""

"What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me, im going in!"

"How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date!"

"What do you call a turtle with a hard on? A slow poke."

"9 out of 10 dentists recommend crest toothpaste... ...the 10th is in still in hiding for paying $50,000 for the right to murder a lion in Africa."

"What to Australian Trains use as fuel? Coal-Ala"