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Joke of the Day

"Me: SPIDER! Brain: Nope, fluff. Me: SPIDER! Brain: That is a fly. Me: SPIDER!!! Brain: sigh. That's your hand idiot."

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate."

"They advertise unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. But I can personally attest that after 9 days Olive Garden asks you to leave."

"I love campfire smoke so much ... it brings tears to my eyes."

"Man On Bus Asked Me, ""Why Looking So Crabby This Morning?"" I Just Found Out I Have Cancer..."

"The gingham is holding a grudge because burlap and seersucker didn't invite corduroy to their party. Social fabric is complex."

"I was so poor, we couldn't afford a bidet. I had to do hand stands in the shower."

"What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic? Llamanated"

"My neighbor Ron is mad at me just because my book 'The Many Lawn Care Mistakes of My Neighbor Ron' is a hit with both critics and readers."

"what is an pirates fav element potassium because pirate doesnt want scurvy. it not argon k?"