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Joke of the Day

"Emotions don't scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do."

"How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb? More guns."

"The definition of an oxymoron /r/Productivity"

"I have invented a machine *that reads the subtext in different voice*"

"Should be interesting when Trump meets the UK's prime minister... I wonder if he will shake her hand or grab her by the pussy"

"I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time... I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch"

"Having big boobs because you're fat is like having a fast car because it's falling off a cliff"

"Do people who criticize the presidents daughter for smoking pot forget that the last Republican vice president shot his friend in the face."

"Why did the pentagon change it's name to the square? Because they were cutting corners."

"My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex... I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came."