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Joke of the Day

"Do mermaids smoke seaweed?"

"A girl called me the other day and said ""Come on over, there's nobody home!"" I went over. Nobody was home."

"How many times do you pass your coworker in the hall before you switch from saying ""hi"" to breakdance fighting?"

"My grandma was recently beaten to death.. By my granddad"

"Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet ? Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !"

"Q: How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!"

"Geneticists and Teenage Boys are the same... They both want to unzip your genes."

"People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you."

"Two atoms in a pub Two atoms meet in the pub. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The second atom with a strong British accent asks, 'Are you sure?' The first one replies, ' yes I'm positive.'"

"He told me he wants my heart ""Sharon I'm pretty sure he's a serial killer"" No way! *later on with guy* Wow you're really into bondage huh?"