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Joke of the Day
"SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger ME: Me too, that's also my reason"
Next Joke
"I can go from 2 to 0 testicles in 1.0 spiders."
"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"
"H: So what's the worst thing you've ever seen someone do? Me: I watched a mother buy her son a harmonica."
"I miss the good old days when rock stars abused drugs and alchohol. Now they abuse auto-tune and Photoshop."
"Two atoms were hanging out... ...and one says to the other, ""Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first says, ""Yes, I'm positive!"""
"When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad."
"Aims at the heels, but hits the nose. What is it? A fart."
"I'm very concerned with sleeveless shirts as of late I have a vested interest"
"Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward? Because it only ate vegetables."