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Joke of the Day

"What did one cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on him? ""Mitosis !"""

"When my friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo... ...I had to put my foot down."

"What's the difference between a repost and a bullet? I don't want to put a repost in my mouth"

"I think I'm starting to see why it's a bad idea to give Trump access to nuclear launch codes... He'll just fire them"

"And that's why I never argue with my wife. Wife : Don't forget to pick up kids from school. Me : It's Saturday, they're both upstairs. Wife : It's Wednesday and we've three kids."

"Here's a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and Facebook profiles for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!"

"I went out for a pelican curry last night.... It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!"

"If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses."

"A cop stops a guy for speeding and he tells him:"" I had a feeling I'll give a fine today, so I waited for you here all day ."" ""Sorry , but I came as fast as I could!"""

"Stop saying I'm my own worst enemy. My worst enemy is Johan, from the stables; I want him dismissed, but he's curried such favor with father"