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Joke of the Day

"2 integrals are working out at the gym One asks the other 'What are you doing today?' 2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure?' 2: 'I'm definite'."

"Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them ""Have you seen this person?"" and pull out a picture of yourself"

"My girlfriend is like ketchup. I always bang her on the table."

"Finally listened to the audiobook for ""The Hunger Games"". In my opinion, the book was better."

"So I got asked if I wanted a threesome... I said no thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents."

"I could care less about you but I'm still going to go through your entire wedding & 1st born childs photo album on Facebook. I hate myself"

"How do punctuation marks get freaky? The comma sutra"

"When people say ""surreal"" they mean ""real"", it's just most of your life is not very real, just repetition and routine."

"I just borrowed $10,000 from my mom to place a bet at a casino here in Vegas. Tiger Woods better win the Super Bowl this year."

"A fish is made from just two atoms of Sodium. 2Na"