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Joke of the Day

"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top."""

"Speed dating has nothing to do with drugs. I know that now."

"I introduced my girlfriend to the family Me: hello everyone, meet Jasmine Jasmine: Hi Wife: what the fuck"

"What did Donald Trump say when he couldn't find his Viagra? The erection is rigged!"

"I met two guys named Otto and Manuel at a party... ...Manuel made me do all the talking but Otto wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise!"

"Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster."

"It's a good thing I'm not a god because I'd probably just end up eating the planets after midnight over the sink."

"*Spider exam: How to scare people out of their mind* Fly Breathe fire Sit still on the ceiling and mind your own business"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool."

"There are two types of people in this world 1 those who understand bianary and 10 those who don't"