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Joke of the Day
"I could be subtweeting my cat for all you know. Calm down."
Next Joke
"""Okay, just gonna check Twitter ONE MORE TIME and then I'll get back to work."" - me, always"
"What is a paranoid man's favorite food? Who wants to know?"
"If I had two bathrooms I'd tell everyone someone died in one, I ain't tryna clean two bathrooms"
"Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs."
"""I'm sorry, it's just who I am."" = ""I am a giant asshole and have no plans of improving myself as a human."""
"If I were a ghost, I'd spell ""antidisestablishmentarianism"" on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots' time."
"What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese"
"If you're stuck in the Friend-zone, here's a simple 5-step solution: 1) Stop. 2) Being. 3) Her. 4) Fcuking. 5) B!tch."
"Imagine if Batman accidentally dropped that atom bomb on the bus full of orphans, then looked at the camera & made the Jim Halpert face."