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Joke of the Day

"If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference."

"I like long walks on the beach and lying about being married."

"[my first day working on The Avengers set] *leans over to Joss Whedon* I hear this Josh Sweden guy is a real dork"

"*calls Rosetta Stone* Yes hi I was wondering if you had a course on body language *my friend choking on buffalo wings clutches his throat*"

"I just love the new minecraft update. It's groundbreaking."

"What do you call a banker who is also a skilled fisherman? A loanely master-baiter."

"What did the really dumb guy name his pet giraffe? Spot."

"What Social Media site do the undead use? Tomblr."

"What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power? A fission-chips shop."

"My goal in life is to get my face on a coin. That way I can be the change I wish to see in the world."