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Joke of the Day

"Kids: *jumping on me* WAKE UP Me: I'm woke Kids: How woke? Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today."

"People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow."

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"I would tell you a joke about UDP... But I'm not sure if you would get it."

"What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions? A gallop poll."

"If the radius of a pizza is Z and the thickness is A, then the volume of pizza is PI x Z x Z x A. #asianshowingoff"

"I am absolutely mortified right now. I sent someone a DM to my small business center and TinyURL shortened it to http://tinyurl.com/acockk"

"ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends."

"Why is it so hard to throw a party in space? Because you have to planet."

"Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are 50 cents but deer nuts are under a buck."