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Joke of the Day

"Yay! my car has a parking sensor and I didn't know. When I reverse too far it makes a banging, crunching noise."

"Friend: ""Omg, your parents are so nice!"" ... You: ""It's because you`re here.."""

"What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity? GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!"

"I was completely offended, but then you said ""no offense,"" so now everything's cool."

"Idea: Breathalyzer tests at the airport, to make sure you're drunk enough"

"How do hipsters talk about shoes? [...](http://imgur.com/yzelyVT)"

"Me: *[pulls back shower curtain] ""Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes"" Him: ""Who the hell are you and should I be scared?"""

"I hope that bee enjoyed the close-up of my face because that's the last thing he ever saw. #rip"

"Why does everybody hate tampons? They're stuck up bitches."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts."