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Joke of the Day

"I take my women how I take the stairs... I take my women how I take the stairs..two at a time."

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real"

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11? One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy"

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"The queen honey bee has sex with up to 40 males a day. Just like your mom."

"Why can't you e-mail a photo to a Jedi? Because attachments are forbidden."

"""Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight."" I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date."

"Crazy lady next to me forgot to take her meds, flipping out and shit. I hate seeing this. Just going to walk away from my mirror now."

"Two Blondes Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto; ""I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night"" ""Wow - I've never even met that many guys"" replied the other"