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Joke of the Day

"People keep telling me that I have no idea what it's like to have no roof above my head I don't think so, I really like the new Porsche convertible."

"How much money does the Treasurer of the United States make? All of it."

"Why didn't the construction worker like to get wet? Because he didn't drywall."

"directions on frozen food need to be more confident. They're like, '11 minutes at 450... but all ovens are different... I'm so stupid.'"

"Don't worry if you're skydiving and your parachute doesn't open You got the rest of your lives to fix it!!!"

"Knock knock ..."

"How many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? A lot, because they're fucking stupid."

"So Mickie Mouse says to Minnie, ""I want a divorce... To which Minnie replies, ""Are you fucking crazy!?"" Mickie says ""No, I'm fucking Daisy"""

"*Rains pennies from heaven* *coins decimate the land [terrified scream] 'CHANGE IS IN THE AIR!'"

"When I was a child, my father would always tell me, ""The sky's the limit!"" He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut."