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Joke of the Day

"How many babies does it take to paint a room? Depends how hard you can throw them."

"[fleeing the bank we just robbed] accomplice: play it cool this time, okay? me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS police officer: alright he's clear"

"How does a Korean walk a dog? With a little bit of oil."

"A mosquito goes to a military base. The commanding officer says, ""Sorry, this is a 'no fly' zone."""

"Why did the jihadi hooker ask for advance payment from her clients? She blew them every time."

"The clock was hungry... So he went back four seconds"

"Where did Cookie Monster develop PTSD? Viet-nom nom nom nom nom."

"It's been a while since I partied... Yeah, I can't even remember the last time I blacked out."

"Why did the hipster complain about winter in July? He wanted to do it before it was cool."

"It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos."