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Joke of the Day

"You could kidnap my mom and she'd still ask if you've eaten."

"I Messed up a Customer's Sandwich Order Today... Oh shit, nevermind, wrong sub"

"Why is auto correct regarded as an important invention? Because it's mage tipping berry ready for us. Obligatory edit: very easy for us"

"Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone? They come in pears"

"ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me."

"What did the doctor say to the infertile Princess Bride? Inconceivable!"

"A fair deal A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside."

"My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature."

"What is the difference between a zebra and a bar? Zebras have bars around their asshole, and there are assholes around the bars."

"Startup idea Dating app for pedophiles, Kinder. [huh?](/s ""Yiddish for 'children'. Also, 'pssss, wanna buy a startup?'"")"