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Joke of the Day

"I think a lot of these women are just getting pregnant for the subway seats"

"Just saw a grasshopper jump on cement. THEY'RE EVOLVING."

"My son asked if masturbating made you blind. Depends on where you're aiming."

"What does a cow and 9/11 have in common? We love to milk the shit out of it"

"A body was found.... In the bus station early this morning. A man was drowned in milk, buried in Cheerios, with a banana stuxk in his ass. Police suspect a cereal killer...."

"How did the hermit crab show off his new apartment? He took a shelfie."

"Knock knock... (**WARNING OFFENSIVE**) Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET YOU SON A OF A BITCH!"

"Did you know that NASCAR fans are the easiest people to make fun of? As soon as they start chasing you down, all you have to do is turn right."

"Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)"

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my cock down your throat!"