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Joke of the Day

"You want to hear a paper pun? It's tearable."

"Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then"

"What is the best ""bang for your buck""? Vaseline."

"Do you know why Cannibals don't eat divorced women? Because they're bitter."

"What did the pencil say? Nevermind, it's pointless."

"If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone."

"*hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*"

"(My romance novel) ""You have a pretty face,"" he said. ""Thank you,"" she said, lifting up her bangs. ""I've got even more face under here."""

"If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer."

"Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door? Because his wife was dead-set against it..."