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Joke of the Day

"Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then"

"Do you know what a sex stone is? It's just a fucking rock."

"The dalai lama walks into a pizza parlor... And he asks the cashier to make him one with everything."

"Poker is a game of pretending you've got something better than you really do. Poker sounds a lot like my marriage."

"Unless it's that scary chick from The Ring, I really don't care who is in the restroom with me."

"What did the carnivore say to the vegan? ""That's a missed-steak"""

"Put the punchline in the title How to ruin a joke."

"Reddit. Now a tool for the NSA."

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me."

"By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance"