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Joke of the Day

"I prefer regular taxis to Uber in NYC cause the driver and I can both treat each other like shit without worrying about getting a bad grade"

"I thought I might be pregnant. It turns out I'm just three months fat."

"What's the healthiest cuisine? Vitaminese food."

"What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in? A pan, duh!"

"JOSEPH: who did you name me after? ME: you were named after my grandfather GREGGNOG: what about me dad?"

"Do you like snow? Yes Or Snow"

"What does an electrician say while meditating? Ohm... Ohm..."

"I have a picture of Leonard Nimoy holding a kitten. I call it Spock and Aww. Thank you. Goodnight, everybody."

"What do you call two Canadians buy coffee? Double double doubles"

"Why is there no Mexican olympics? because all the ones who can run, jump and swim have already crossed the border"