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Joke of the Day

"[goes back in time to murder baby Hitler] wow long line of people here to kill him [goes back to murder myself] how is this line even longer"

"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."

"Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to murder him? He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser"

"If you say ""NO YOURE UNDER ARREST"" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car."

"If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis... it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless"

"Eliminate Anime and Islam, and you secure the the existence of western culture for eternity"

"How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins? Head to head race"

"My ex had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil I still don't know how much she charged him though."

"Have you ever tried Nigerian food? Neither have they."

"A guy walks into a bar... ""Ouch"""