160232

Joke of the Day

"War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I'm busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"What app do nervous ppl order on dates? Chicken Tinders."

"Knew a guy who fashioned an entire suit out of rubber bands. He was quite the snappy dresser."

"Someone sent me some wood, nails, a saw and a hammer in the post I don't know what to make of it"

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend asks you to go deeper and you ran out of poems?"

"I wonder if clouds look down on us and say shit like ""That one's shaped like an idiot."""

"Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again."

"What's the best part of two lesbians marrying? Two cooks in the house."

"What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a pedophile? alien vs predator"