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Joke of the Day

"Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with ""shut up"" written in every blank."

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"What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA!"
"if you have 1 cricket ball in 1 hand and another cricket ball in the other, what do you have? 1 very large cricket"
"Why are a prostitute and a teacher so similar? They both get screwed"
"That chinese tattoo on your neck must be the symbol for unemployment."
"Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people."
"How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom? A Lot."
"My credit card is like a fat persons scale It's maxed out"
"Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas."
"What goes ""quick, quick""? Duck in a hurry. (c) beatattitude 2014"