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Joke of the Day
"I hate it when you gain 10 pounds for a role... And then remember that you're not an actor."
Next Joke
"My wife said that if I lose my job, she's divorcing me. So I need suggestions here, people. What are some terminable offenses these days?"
"Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them."
"What did the robot hit-man say to his robot victim? ""Nothing personal."""
"Why did the geneticist get into advertising? Sex Cells"
"Ironman is my favorite story about how sleep deprivation can make you a sarcastic, neurotic superhero without being a parent."
"Why didn't the lesbian cross the road? She didn't have the balls to do it"
"What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school? A flat minor."
"Parallel lines have so much in common... Its a shame they'll never meet."
"Parents: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Parents: Mom and dad. Me: Mom and dad who? Parents: Exactly, you're adopted son. ;'("